Eye Candy

The only thing worse than being a female gamer and being forced to play a male avatar is having to play an ugly male avatar.

 This angers me considering how much hot female ass I have to watch through multiple cut scenes.  Do they make men ugly b/c they want male gamers to associate with them more?  Really, I have to wonder.  Maybe it’s the designers; look guys, it might be hilarious in the studio but it’s not cool or even fun to put your f’d up nose on the guy.  

Enzio from AC2 (that’s Assassin’s Creed 2, not Asheron’s Call 2) is butt ugly.  Luckily I only have to look at the hooded back of head most of the time.  Niko from GTA4 was stocky and busted (and frankly reminded me of Ahmadinejad).  And don’t get me started on Alan Wake – although to be fair his wife is pretty ugly in that game too.

                                                        Niko or Iranian Prez?

Even Bioware, my favorite company in the world has given me shit options for male romance in the past several games.  Let’s see, I get Zevran the gay elf or Alistar the crybaby warrior.  Oh wait, there is Leilana.  She’s a girl which means I get to go lesbo.  Awesome.  Again, designers, might be fun in the studio, not so much in the home.

Meanwhile I get to watch slow moving cam shots of Gloria’s thighs as she takes out multiple hordes of demons in DevilMayCry4.  I’ll give them a pass though since Nero is pretty hot – probably the hottest guy in video games.  But it still would have been much cooler to play a girl. 

Gloria, butt-kicking.  Literally.  DMC4