I do!

 India has given me a completely different perspective on a very specific thing: marriage. I certainly don’t consider relationships the same way anymore.


Here there is a very distinctive difference between arranged and the opposite – what Indians call “love” marriages. It’s pretty common for everyone to know about other people’s marriage situation and sometimes it pops up in conversations unexpectedly (ex: at lunch someone has a dessert and the comments fly, “oooh of course you got that thanks to your love marriage….”).

But the love marriages themselves are seen as practical and it’s insightful and dare I say – a more mature process – than what we have in the US. Even people wildly in love are not necessarily considered perfect matches and it seems this concept is more obvious and less of a learning experience than in the states. One friend at work was telling me she and her now husband were crazy about each other but never considered actually marrying because they were so different. Finally after a few years, they got together and asked each other the questions that most couples ask before hitching up: “How many kids do you want? What are your life ambitions? What are you working for and towards? Would you stay late at work instead of going to a child’s bday party?” At the end of this they realized they were finally on the same page. The question that lynched it? She asked him, “If your mother and I got into a fight, whose side would you choose?” His answer: It would depend on what the argument was about but I would talk to both of you privately to resolve it.

Conversely, but equally interesting: people that I've spoken to without love in their marriage treat this as just what was the luck of the draw. But it doesn’t detract from the concept of having a rewarding and successful partnership.  There are of course exceptions to every rule but I find what I've expressed above is more of a majority than not.

I believe the thing that differs between our two cultures is people’s expectations. Without these notions of the other person ALWAYS having to agree with you or ALWAYS being there for you or ALWAYS being passionate with you or ALWAYS just knowing what you want and how to satisfy you – it definitely lends to a more practical partnership in life. The concept overall really balances with my ideas of why marriage exists and it's benefits .